Analog

I used to dissect appliances
when I was younger.
If a printer broke, or a small television or device
failed in some way,
I’d ask my mom if I could take it
to the garage and she’d say fine
and be careful.
I’d slam a hammer on any part that’d shatter.
I’d throw it as high and far as I could.
I’d look at the intricacies inside
and wonder.
Then I’d clean up, collecting
the pieces worth a look,
kicking around the questionable screws
and plastic chunks,
sweeping together the shards like guts.
I’d keep getting worthless objects
because I was responsible,
but I can’t remember when I stopped taking things apart.
The other day someone asked
if I was dating anyone
and I said no
and that I was afraid of the outcomes.
Of it working or not, she figured.
Of lasting or not, I said,
and I described the sabotage
that ensures neither lasting nor ending,
but a perpetual breaking under my hands.
When someone leaves my life they live forever,
when I leave someone they’re dead to me.
But I like to sustain the pain
so nobody wins
even if I’m stuck cleaning up the mess.

– North Hollywood, CA

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Taken in Aberdeen, WA

Dandelion

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Taken in Seattle, WA

I bought you a bouquet for date night
and handed them to you at the train.
We hopped bars and ate tapas.
We planned our future and laughed and got rough
with our surroundings.
You forgot your flowers
and told me to bring them next time – soon.
You’re a smooth talker
and I’m not surprised to see them dead.

– North Hollywood, CA

Queen

What is homeless love
but an endless adventure
with you
it feels like I’m always
where I should be
and without you
is to be a drifter,
a manic nomad tormented
by knowing what he wants
and where to find it.
These days
consume my life with me waiting
indifferently now;
you’ll have me forever,
wrapping myself around you
playfully crushing
your spirit
because I’m in love
with the way you push back.

– North Hollywood, CA

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Taken in Long Beach, CA